There's a "Thing" in My Ovary

There is. And my boyfriend forgets the name of it. The doctor that did my surgery didn't bother to hang around and talk to ME about any of this shit (even though they're my ovaries). But he DID do the testosterone hang with Chefman after the fact, while I was looped on fentanyl and dilaudid in the recovery room.

I like Dr. Poke-A-Round. He's nice. He's gentle. He warms up the speculum before he uses it. But we had this conversation in his office two days before the Gynecological Ginsu Knife demonstration. And what we - WE - said was, if there's scarring or growths or torsion or anything that doesn't look right, out comes the offending part. Because I've had my tubes tied, and my kids are almost old enough to be put out, and I don't need this shit anymore. He agreed with me.

So in I go, I get all medicated up, I wake up in the recovery room convinced I'd been home and brought back, and asking for Chefman. Also crying in pain. Another shot. Now I'm REALLY fucked up. Chefman comes in and I ask him, "Well?" He said, "Your left ovary was all twisted up so he put something in there to straighten it out." At least I think that's what he said - I was pretty wasted. So I said, "Where's Dr. Poke-A-Round?" "Oh, he left." He LEFT? Hmkay.

"What is this 'thing' in my ovary?"

"I dunno. Some...thing."

I see.

The ovary in question was all but necrotic. As far as I'm concerned, that's a good reason to take that shit OUT. I guess not. So I got my ginger ale and graham crackers, another shot of dilaudid, and they told me if I could pee I could leave. I went in the bathroom and ran the water. Okay, I lied. I did not pee. But I wanted to go home. So I stumbled back out and told them to unhook all their tubes and let me get dressed. And at this point let me just say it was a good thing I had worn sweats, beause a bra and a thong would have been impossible in my condition. When I was all ready, I said to the nurse, "I'm all ready. Can I have my paperwork?"

Blank stare.

Dr. Poke-A-Round hadn't left any post-op instructions. Or a prescription for pain meds or antibiotics. He HAD left 3 holes in my abdomen and directions that I should make an appointment in 2 weeks.

So now I have a "thing" in my left ovary. And an appointment for this coming Thursday. I'm bringing a scalpel and some scissors and thread.