Quick note: there are a few changes here. The donate button for the shelter kids is on the sidebar. Also, I added Social Vibe for Invisible Children. You don't have to do anything, just click. It helps the child soldiers in Africa. I will write a blog on that when I'm feeling a little less like a bag of smashed assholes, but suffice to say, ALL kids need your help, and if you can't do anything else you can click the little image thing. Or I'll take your deviled ham back.
Anyway. Today was apparently a day I was supposed to "take off" from working (read - writing bad articles on the internet like the whore I am) and clean the house. I want to do that. But I cannot move my head. Which is making it a problem cleaning the bathroom walls. I need to webcam this shit, because I look like a guy in a canoe with one oar. Going in circles. It's a problem.
Lots of things are a problem right now. Like why I feel like shit the minute I wake up in the morning. My boyfriend, bless him, thinks maybe I'm just nuts and overreacting. I'm not. I know when I'm nervous and panicky and when I'm pissing blood and can't move my head. This is not the former. Then I have people telling me to go to the doctor, or the ER. Well. How would you like me to get there? Walk? The doctor is closed on the weekend, the ER is too far away, Chef Boyfriend works a million hours and I am not gonna ask him to sit in an emergency room holding my hand so they can tell me I have kidney issues and give me pain meds. I KNOW I HAVE KIDNEY ISSUES FUCK HEAD. You don't pee blood unless you have kidney issues.
I hate complaining to him about all this, because I feel like a cranky bitchy old bint. But it's not like I sit on my ass doing nothing all day. It's not that easy coming up with pithy articles for internet sites that nobody fucking reads. My most favorite this week was "The Health Benefits of Kratom." Yay, because it may or may not have health benefits but it sure as FUCK makes ME feel better. (It's incense and you do not ingest it you did not read that here) I don't sleep. At all. I wake up every half hour. Then get up, start drinking coffee and writing inane bullshit. Then I'm supposed to clean up the house. Fair enough, he works harder than me. BUT I CANNOT MOVE MY FUCKING HEAD.
I can't wait til he comes home tonight and sees what happens when a one-armed paperhanger tries to make an apartment into a showplace for Better Homes and Gardens. He's either going to laugh, cry, or take me to a homeless shelter.
I hear they have drugs there....
This blog has absolutely no theme. It jumps from one rant to another, depending on how I slept the night before, whether or not I got laid, and how my jeans fit. If you're easily offended or don't like the word "fuck," or if you need to have your political correctness spoon fed to you, then you should probably leave now. Just in case the "adult content" thingy didn't tip you off.
Hope you get better. You have lots of friends who care! Hopefully you'll feel better real soon
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I will. I just like to hear the sound of my own voice complaining. I'm a whiny little snark.
ReplyDeleteA non-moving head sounds like a complete pain in the ass to deal with. Having worked in a hospital i would have to be pissing actual fire to go to the ER. I guess getting shit-faced is out because of the whole kidney thing. Don't you have friends who don't guard their medicine cabinets? In an aside (because even when I'm talking about you it's all about me) how did you score this sweet-ass job? It sounds similar to what I do, and by that i mean I roam around ranting to myself all the time anyway; could I actually write it down and get paid? In Xanax? Hope you feel better, just found your blog and i would like for you to continue it. If, however, your head refuses to move I will either get you one of those sticks you hold in your mouth to type with or a service monkey that will tend to you. Your choice!
ReplyDeleteAll you have to do is go to Textbroker and apply - for them you don't even have to be able to put together a coherent sentence. Demand Studios wants writing samples and a resume, but fortunately I was privileged to go to NYU - the degree nicely covers a stain on the wall where I threw a plate of Lobster Newburgh. They don't pay in Xanax tho. And all my fucking friends go to AA. Stupid. Rehab is for quitters.
ReplyDeleteYou threw lobster? Bad Girl!!!! Thanks for the info. My degree is useless for anything fun. I ditch all friends who quit their vices. I admire stick-to-it-iveness in a person so pick up that donut and that blue pill. Oh, and I'm only Anonymous because i'm far too lazy to create an identity. I do comment on facebook when you're there. I'm Carla Marie Reich and I heart you hard.
ReplyDeleteCarla, did you tell me to fuck Disney>? Hahahahaha!
ReplyDelete